It has started as a whisper.
It hasn't gone away.
And then I remember....
Asking the Lord to teach me to pray.
Today I'm filled with praise. Everything around me.....He is at work in it all. I feel His comfort. I am grateful for the soft, gentle reassurance as He guides my steps.
I feel a fog lifting from my soul. I've just gone through something major, something big, something that as a rarity was centered around me. When Mama's down, the world still goes around. And it has. I am well today. Perhaps better than I've been in a very long time. I praise Him for fixing me. For helping me see today that my body wasn't broken, it just wasn't well. And now, I think I can be.
So with a huge burst of energy, I go about being Mama again. REALLY being Mama. I've taken little bits on at a time, fighting with myself and worrying emotions most of the way. I've loved my babies while others cared for them because my body wasn't completely able. But today, I am well. Today, I am more than I was before. Today, He has brought beauty from the ashes in my heart and also my body.
To appoint unto them that mourn in ion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified. Isaiah 61:3
And now....the journey carries on. We aren't ever REALLY complete in who He's called us to be are we? That perfection doesn't come until our jobs here on this earth are done. Mine is not. Our perfect Father continues to gently call upon my heart. One whisper at a time. And I know why.
....For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required.... Luke 12:48
I praise Him, adore Him, worship Him, and I stand in awe at what He's bestowed upon my life through this family. I could never give back in service, in love, in adoration, in anything.....even a smidgen of what has been given to me. But I can pray that He use this life, this family, these blessing.....all to the glory of He from whom they have been given.
That whisper, it tugs a little more on my heart today. Never too loud. Never too much. Just perfectly enough. Always lovingly clear.....
Do You Trust Me?
In simple things, the small tasks of my day. I hear His call upon my heart. Perhaps the words are my own, but the call....it is from Him. I've stayed in His word. Come closer to Him in prayer. I've poured my heart out, covering my family in scripture, in truths He's given us. In that obedience, He continues to whisper to me at the simplest of times.....
Do You REALLY trust me?
Through a deep breath and the calming of my soul, I remember just how small I am. I remember just how much I need to give Him. Where much is given, much is required. But in His perfect grace, it doesn't feel like a requirement today. Instead it is a comfort, a peace, a reminder of who I belong to. And I wonder. Do I really trust Him with EVERYTHING?
I've tried to control it all. Hold it all together. Find the solutions, even in times where I don't have the slightest clue of what the trouble really is. From the smallest of thing to the biggest of trials in our lives....I've tried to lead the way to resolution. In the process, only really muddying the waters and making those around me a little tougher for the wear.
And I realize....all of the study in the world, all of the greatest of intentions, all of the wonderful plans I've had....not a one matters unless it was given from HIM! I am not my own. My blessings are not self given and definitely not self earned. No.
Do I Really Trust Him?
Only through His grace, His patience, His love am I able to turn even the smallest of burdens to He whose hands can (and will) carry them. I can do that. Only through prayer, which is something He's commanded me to do in the first place. Isn't it funny how we always think we've come across some HUGE revelation and come to find out.....it was ALL HIS IDEA TO BEGIN WITH! Surely I'm not the only one who humbly humors myself with that thought!
Do I dare consider this whisper on a larger scale? Could I ever really share my whole story? Put words to a testimony that holds such heartaches, struggles, and most importantly FAILURES? Today, this is my question alone. Though I know that likely it stems from a distant knock on that door of my heart....today it is only that.
When that purpose shows up at the doorstep of our lives, will I answer? When the knock becomes so loud, so clear, so obviously my purpose for that day, will I remember the question and from whom it came? Will I fear the task at hand or will I find the comfort I find today? Will I try to reconcile the details on my own or will I remember whose plan it was to begin with?
I will pray for the grace, the endurance, and the ability to count His commands as blessings. No matter how small. No matter how big. I only need to trust in Him. How quick He is to remind me of that favorite scripture hidden deep within my heart....
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:5
And I am reminded of what is my job and more importantly, the things that are His.